There are so many messages on social media that most of them never catch my attention. The post I saw on LinkedIn was an exception.
It was an article about the New Zealand Parliament voting unanimously to provide three days of paid leave for women and their partners after a miscarriage or stillbirth.
My first question is, “What took so long for any country to recognize this?"
My next thought was three days is not long enough. I also think grief counseling should be included.
Unless you've been through a miscarriage, you don't know how traumatic this is.
The Code of Silence
When I had
my miscarriage, there were no social media outlets. I’m not sure any of the
sites would have helped me.
on a cold,
starless night
friends and random
strangers
giving me
tips on how
to get over
it
My husband and I picked out names. We made preparations.
boy or girl
the train light
with its new lampshade
I could feel
the baby. It was like the flutter of butterflies that we sometimes
get when we are excited about something. Or afraid of it.
waning summer
the spots of
blood
that I can’t
explain
My doctor ordered bed rest. No going up or down steps. Since that wasn’t possible at home, I stayed with my parents.
I passed the time reading books or listening to baseball games. Last year, the Cardinals had won the World Series.
Steve
Carlton pitches
his 300th
win
every year’s
another chance
Bed rest didn't help. The bleeding
increased. By 2 am, I was hemorrhaging. I didn’t want to wake my parents.
september loss
it’s fear
that drives
my silence
I fell on
the bathroom floor. My mom heard me or maybe I screamed. There are parts that I
don’t remember.
blank spaces
of time
the harsh white
of hospital
lights
My doctor came in. He said the baby couldn’t be saved. He told me to think of it as a blob that never fully formed. It was nature’s way of taking care of it.
grieving parents
there are
some things no one
should ever
say
I never received counseling. Shortly after my miscarriage, I went back to work.
A
co-worker asked me, “How far along are you? You don’t even look pregnant.”
I told him I lost my baby. He didn’t know what to say except that he was sorry. A hush followed me wherever I went.
It made me feel more isolated than I have ever felt in my life.
unmarked grave
the code of
silence
that surrounds
each death
There were plenty of classes for expectant mothers on how to breathe during labor, all the advantages of breastfeeding, and what to do after the child arrives.
If there were training manuals on how to deal with miscarriages, no one ever offered me one. Instead, my husband and I embarked on the journey toward healing alone.
During my second pregnancy, I worried the entire
time that I would lose this baby, too. I couldn’t go through it again.
changing seasons
no two
pregnancies
are alike
When I was first
able to hold my son after he was born, it was a bittersweet moment. I would never stop loving the son that I held now. I would
never stop loving the child that I lost.